Life

Change is something that comes to us all, whether we want it or not it knocks at your door and invites itself in like a bad in-law.  With it comes stress and uncertainty - and usually a large lack of funds.  But given the right determination and some fancy footwork in the checkbooks usually things can work out for the better.

Well this year I've found myself starting a new life after surgery, finding myself a relationship worth pursuing and filled with ideas and plans for the future.  As the days move on and money issues reach their tipping point it will be interesting to see if things work out and we can move forward or if they crumble around us and we have to stumble about trying to pick up the pieces.

Thus far, thanks to a bit of generosity from my family in my direction for once things are doing good.  If we can make it through this transition and bring to fruition base level plans and events - this could very well be the year that I reach the edge of another one of my life long dreams.

Idealistically, or perhaps metaphysically, we'd like to able to choose not to suffer - to not have to deal with the negative.  But we can't avoid it - not only due to the impossible nature of such actions - but because it would mean we would not be who we are.

Luck's Leading Lady

I've been working hard at drawing a horse from a source. Not to bad for someone who isn't an artist.

Depths

Depths of my darkness
I'm screaming inside with doubt
It swollows me whole
I claw at my throat
Pull at my hair
I feel myself start to suffocate
All my doubts filling my head
I'm never good enough
I'll never be loved
I start to struggle less
This I know, I give in more
I'll die in thus darkness
Cold and alone

Karma

Karma you win
Stop my heart
Take my breath
Let me grow cold
It hurts too much

Missing my friend

I'm missing my friend. I know.I can be a shitty friend but I miss talking to her I don't have many left like her. My other friends talk to me I know but its just different with her. She can read this too. So that counts for something I hope. Meh just another reminder of my own loneliness.

Darkness

I glare into the darkness
it pulls me under
I feel it's cool mist on my skin
Fears desolve around me in the darkness
it strokes me gentle
whispers in my head 'you belong here'
Its hold is like tar sticking me firmly to it
suffocating me slowly, very slowly realizing my breathing becomes fast
time begins to stand still
I will myself to fight
but I'm overcome with fear
the harder I struggle
the more I fear
the less I struggle
the less I fear
Oh what do I do
What I do know is this
Darkness wins when nothing is left
But I do have fight left
So it hasn't won yet

Broken

I'm broken
I stood by your side
helped even when I shouldn't
but truth be told
by the end of it
I was pushed aside
as if I was a piece of shit
I figured years of friendship
counted for something
I did as you pleased
happy as long as you are were happy
And where did it get me
Friendless
as if part of me is missing
ignored abandoned and blue
why is it I stood up for you
but when I needed you
you were gone
No rhyme no reason

Used

I traveled to help
just to be ignored
I felt like furniture
used and abused

I didn't want to leave
half my soul stayed behind
Bound to my friend
and her beautiful children

Months later
my soul is shattered
removed from my friends life
like unwanted fat

no explanations
no satisfaction
everything is fake
and I'm still use

Assumptions in the wind

Assumptions made in the wind 
scatter wherever they wish
no one makes sure they are true
instead they believe the lies

they are told
whispers I hear
of a repeated past
exactly the same
as the one just committed
hands laid on you
while others watched
is this really the life you wanted

no happiness just emptiness
you fake that like a pro
only you told me the truth
that you'd rather live a lie
because it's easier

well little girl
life ain't easy
life will repeat the same mistakes
till you learn from them
when it happens again
who will be beside you
as family turns on you
not me I learned my lesson

I shall never pick my friends side again
never stand behind someone
because let's be honest
I never get it in return

Dream

You came in the dream
I said you can't be real
that you were gone
but I could smell you
I reached out to touch you
you felt so real
you were okay
you didn't speak
but I can hear you
deep in my heart
I miss you
I'll love you always
don't cry
I'm okay
I'm with God
you'll see me someday
with that you were gone
hours later I woke up
the warmth of your spirit
still lingers with me

My hero

My hero rode bulls
He showed me hard work paid off
My hero told me hard truths
He tried to get me to see
he was no hero
he was just an ordinary man
Who had faults like the rest of us
my heart told me he was my hero
no matter what happens
years went by my hero got older
he no longer rode bulls
He grew sick and pain
then one day God gave my hero wings my hero is an angel
watching over all of us

Crazy nook drawings parts 2

Big eyed chick in a fake ass start night.

And lastly a few words.

Been super crazy busy. Meh. So I leave you with a new installment called crazy nook drawings. Blogging from my phone sucks so ya may need to resize it. :P

Another craptastic unfinished work

You're as fake as Barbie
More shallow then a puddle
You're heartless and cruel
To my own feelings

I stood by your side
When others walked away
I did things for you
Just to put a smile on your face

But the tables have turned
And so have you
I'm left in the cold
Betrayed by my friend

Unfinished poem (horrible)

The girl has a friend
That didn't feel very real
It broke her heart
Never feeling good enough
She tried as hard
As she might
But still she wasn't worthy
She always felt fake
The real her not good enough
She wasn't pretty enough
She wasn't skinny enough
She just wasn't ... enough
Will she ever be enough
No. Never.
Not cool enough to hang with
Talked behind her back
Listening with unopened eyes
Her heart fully broken
Does she give up
Freeing the friend
From a life of pretending
Let's just be honest
I'll never be skinny enough
I'll never be pretty enough
I'll never be good enough
For you.

Drama Grrl

My word what a mess.  I had a whole bunch of things planned to do with my girlfriend today and it all gets thrown out the window because no instead we have to go help her ex who can't seem to be bothered to let go - or stand on her own two feet.

So off into the cold we go, hoping to at least salvage it by going out for a nice supper together; to have that plan sink as her ex goes on some huge hour long rant.

So that's patched up now, and things are "better".  But our evening was still ruined and now I get to spend my night alone.

I hope I didn't make a mistake getting involved with this girl, if she keeps running to her ex's every cry canceling plans we made.  Doesn't exactly give me much to look forward too.

Introductions

My name in most parts on the interwebs is Kat. Is that my real name. Who's to say what is real and what isnt. I've got a wonderful significant other, 3 monsters ranging from 12 to 4 years. I own 2 cats (tho they will tell you they own me). I love art and poetry and writing scrappy stories. Anyway that is me in this bat shit crazy nutshell. I'm off to bed for real hopefully, and hopefully clowns won't eat me.

Introductions to Chimera Musings

Hello and welcome to CM, a blog created for the singular purpose of filling the internet with various thoughts, written works, and general musings of myself, Lylani, and a friend.  What can you expect to read here?  Well, anything.

Stories, poetry, random thoughts throughout the day, rants about some idiot we ran across; who knows.

There is no guarantee of the subject matters content, it may be considered mature at times so keep that in mind.