Life

Change is something that comes to us all, whether we want it or not it knocks at your door and invites itself in like a bad in-law.  With it comes stress and uncertainty - and usually a large lack of funds.  But given the right determination and some fancy footwork in the checkbooks usually things can work out for the better.

Well this year I've found myself starting a new life after surgery, finding myself a relationship worth pursuing and filled with ideas and plans for the future.  As the days move on and money issues reach their tipping point it will be interesting to see if things work out and we can move forward or if they crumble around us and we have to stumble about trying to pick up the pieces.

Thus far, thanks to a bit of generosity from my family in my direction for once things are doing good.  If we can make it through this transition and bring to fruition base level plans and events - this could very well be the year that I reach the edge of another one of my life long dreams.

Idealistically, or perhaps metaphysically, we'd like to able to choose not to suffer - to not have to deal with the negative.  But we can't avoid it - not only due to the impossible nature of such actions - but because it would mean we would not be who we are.

Luck's Leading Lady

I've been working hard at drawing a horse from a source. Not to bad for someone who isn't an artist.

Depths

Depths of my darkness
I'm screaming inside with doubt
It swollows me whole
I claw at my throat
Pull at my hair
I feel myself start to suffocate
All my doubts filling my head
I'm never good enough
I'll never be loved
I start to struggle less
This I know, I give in more
I'll die in thus darkness
Cold and alone

Karma

Karma you win
Stop my heart
Take my breath
Let me grow cold
It hurts too much

Missing my friend

I'm missing my friend. I know.I can be a shitty friend but I miss talking to her I don't have many left like her. My other friends talk to me I know but its just different with her. She can read this too. So that counts for something I hope. Meh just another reminder of my own loneliness.

Darkness

I glare into the darkness
it pulls me under
I feel it's cool mist on my skin
Fears desolve around me in the darkness
it strokes me gentle
whispers in my head 'you belong here'
Its hold is like tar sticking me firmly to it
suffocating me slowly, very slowly realizing my breathing becomes fast
time begins to stand still
I will myself to fight
but I'm overcome with fear
the harder I struggle
the more I fear
the less I struggle
the less I fear
Oh what do I do
What I do know is this
Darkness wins when nothing is left
But I do have fight left
So it hasn't won yet